missas_fable (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} missas_fable) wrote,@ 2007-06-11 23:19:00 |
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Some random talk about feelings and life and then a survey thing... its pretty long
Im sick... first cold in god knows how long... so im sitting here in the computer room trying to do anything but do the lesson plans i need doing for tomorrow... its 1120pm.. and ive had 4 days off.. in which i slept and watched tv and did nothing else... I barely even left the house... everyone says that when your sick you should rest... but im sure they didnt mean at home by yourself with no one to talk to for 4 days??? Ohh my god.. seriously not liking my life right now... 4 days is a long time to analyse things... I live in the past because i cant be bothered trying to find a future.. im kinda on hold while i do this degree.. telling myself that when its done and i start teaching ill magically meet another teacher and fall in love and all my dreams will come true... I still think about raro... wishing that i could go back.. not because i had real love there.. but because i had a life... i worked and then at night and on weekends i was out dancing.. and i had a man who wanted me... i know it was fake.. i know it was just a holiday.. but sometimes thinking back to then is all i have and its sad... then if that doesnt work i think back to dom.. or thon... i still talk to dom.. and i still get upset when he talks about talking to girls... its been 5 years since ive seen him... we have nothing left.. yet i hold onto possibly meeting him again in the future instead of finding someone to have here and now... I still talk to rob.. and he still promises me the world and never delivers... im surrounded by exs.. who are exs for a reason and apparently the dream of the past is enough for me... or atleast thats what i tell myself when im busy... but this weekend i wasnt busy... i was bored shittless.. and i was alone...
I have 2 weeks left on my rounds... they have been amazing.. seriously amazing... the kids are not to bad at all... a little naughty/cheeky and not interested in working... but worth the effort... the only bit that gets to me is that theyre not mine... im only there for 5 weeks... so in the end i cant see how they progress... i wish i was teaching already... cant believe its still 7 months... 7 months of melb uni... then again i cant believe that its only 7 months left... ive been there over 2 years.. and ive survived... being on these rounds ive realised that i have a decent group of ppl i work with... not so much ppl i hang out with outside of work... god knows only a few of them have even msged me while ive been gone... but atleast ppl to have lunch with and gossip etc... made me realise how much id have to do that again at my next job... I really do hope its at this school... my supervisor russell and i get on fantastically.. and he hasnt had anything bad to say bout me... hes going to takl to the principal about getting me a job there... the principal herself has introduced herself to me.. and knows id like to teach there.. and its well known that one of the teachers there is retiring next year... so who knows...
Okies.. so anyways.. in the spirit of wasting time... i found this thing in my old blurty journal and realised id filled it in for 2003 and Jan 2006... so i thought id fill it in for June 2007 and compare how im going...
December 13th 2003...
FIRSTS
First job: RJs sandwich shop at chadestone shopping centre... The manager, his parent and some of the ladys there were horrible.. I came home crying nearly every day... Most of them still work there too.. Funny how he always has employment signs up.. cos no one ever stays there... So yeah if you happen to know Chadstone and RJs sandwich shop in the big food court.. feel to go pass and spit on them for tormenting me haha....
First screen name:lol... ummm well it was anus_fable??? which when seen like that sounds very um dirty.. although ive never really come up with a meaning for an anus fable but yeah.. it was meant to be... anu's (my dog) and fable (after a cool song by robert miles... from the ever after sound track... plus I like the name)
First self purchased tape: 1927... self titled... I used to take my tape player into the bathroom... sit on the floor and listen to the tape up loud singing to the words in the little booklet.... that was until I played it one to many times and the tape player chewed it up.. I was devistated...
First funeral: My great grandma... My grandads mum... I bawled my eyes out sooo much... It was between 10-15 years ago atleast....
First piercing/tattoo: My only piercings are in my ears and my mum got them done when I was a tiny bub....
First credit card: Commonwealth mastercard... maxd out at $4000..... Im currently trying to transfer it over to an ANZ one.. cos its cooler.. haha.. well the card is but no.. the rate is soooo much better....
First true love: Thon.... I thought I had loved before but nothing compared... I was with him for 5 years and it took me 6 months to get over him and then even still Im not sure I will ever be completely... We are still friends..
First enemy:Mmm frankie Johnston.. In primary and high school.. I dont know why he ever disliked me.. He was an angry, smart guy.. who ive heard has done well for himself.. Still dont know why he disliked me so much... And a fucked up chick called Rossette.. who tormented me in high school.. High school sucked...
First big trip: To sydney and Canberra and stuff in a bus tour in year 7... I wish I could rememeber more of it... Cos i did cool stuff liek climb to the top of mount kosiosko...
First concert: Was those guys ummmm... i actually went to see them cos some RnB group from the US was supporting them... but the aussie group was 10 times better... umm who are they.. ummm... I just went and checked... Human Nature... They were really talentd actually.. they could sing and dance better than the US group....
First musician you remember hearing in your house: nup.. I dont really have any memmories of the music my parents listened too... although I do remember listening to the Dirty Dancing tape on the way to my grandmas.. when me, mum and steven used to go visit.. that was cool cos we must have been under 10 and we knew all the words :o)
LASTS
Last big car ride:mmm depends on definition of big.. I dont really go for drives.. its usually just to go vosot someone... so the longest lately was Luisa last weeken.... an hour and 10 mins to get the camberfield...
Last kiss: Mmmm that would be James... how sad... well no not sad... Cos james just made me realise I should be more picky with who I chose to kiss... much more picky... thus why I havent kissed anyone since... despite a few dates and oppertunities... where are all the quality guys???
Last library book checked out: Some gurly one from Dandenong library... I like gurly books...
Last movie seen: Elf last night.... Overall the movie was average but I still laughed my ass off through the whole thing....So much so I was crying cos of it...
Last beverage drank: I have drunk sooooo much raspberry lemonade lately... I sooo need to detox....Water is goood!!! haha
Last food consumed: I had chicken parm... today for lunch.. I havent had dinner sooo im very very hungry....
Last phone call: Dion miss called me... need to borrow his uniform for Nolan tomorrow.. Mmmm sexy Nolan... (Dougs friend from the Uk... sexc accent.. great guy.. here for 3 months.. and back next year for a year !!! yaaaay)
Last CD played: John Mayer... Heavier things... except my comps is retarded and so is my stereo.. so didnt really get to listen to it much... must invest in new stereo....
Last annoyance:Probably stoopid weekend drivers... on the way home from lunch... although work was annoying the last few days..thoufgh im sure its just cos im tired....
Last soda drank: Yummy raspberry... evil raspberry haha
Last ice cream eaten: Boysenberry choc top at southland village cinemas last night
Last time scolded: Mmm probably my mother...
Last shirt worn: mmm shirt? mmmm well im wearing a crappy one now.. but I wore a really nice pink/redish one a few times this week.. It looks great on my boobs haha...
Last website visited: pruesaysit.com
I AM:
I WANT: It all... I zoology job.. a great guy.. a family...
I HAVE: A roof over my head.. and 6 animals that adore the ground I walk on....
I WISH: My life would magically work its self out and that Id finally stick to a healthy weight loss system...
I HATE: That im my mums daughter and not her friend anymore..
I FEAR: That ill never make it into the zoology buisness....
I HEAR: the washing machine, the tv and messenger beeping at me...
I SEARCH: For a me im content with....
I WONDER: Whats so bad bout me sometimes...
I REGRET: Not having the guts to go ask out the english guy I served on friday.. He was beautiful.. there was chemsitry.. and I knew he worked at OPSM???
I LOVE: I dont know... I guess the obvious... my animals , my family and the boys.....
I ACHE: For a few things tonight... the house is quiet.. and im alone... I wanna lie in someones arms tonight... I wanna belong all of a sudden.. and I hate that feeling...
I ALWAYS: feel like im missing something in my life...
I AM NOT: Doing enough with my time.. and even though i know it.. i never do anything to change that....
I DANCE: to Rnb music...
I SING: I sang my ass off in the car on the way home... always parking just ahead of the car next to me so i can convince myself they cant see me.. or so that i cant see them seeing me.... cos then i probably stop...
I CRY: inside...
I AM NOT ALWAYS: happy as you can tell fromt he sharp turn in my journal entry... its cos the last song i listened to was trapped by evanessence.. Its ringing in my head.. and its sooo sad....
I WRITE: best when my heart is broken... Im boring when im not in lust with something....
I WIN: not much these days....
I LOSE: Motivation daily....
I CONFUSE: Conversations and looks from the oppisite sex as oppertunities....
I NEED: To be held tonight....
I SHOULD: really stop wasting time on here and find someone to come hold me...
Ok so now lets do it for jan 2006....
LASTS
Last big car ride: Not so much big... just the hour long drive to my grandmas for chrissy lunch... i dont really do long drives..
Last kiss: An boy at Odeon, probably november last year.. of so sad...
Last library book checked out: Dont do the library thing.. love buying them and currently reading a book my grandmother gave me.. Lady Whistle down....
Last movie seen: Cheaper by the dozen two... was very cute.. laughed alot... liked it better than the 1st..
Last beverage drank: Raspberry cordial..
Last food consumed: Waynes beef curry
Last phone call: Ratika this morning to tell me she cant hang out.. again im dumped..
Last CD played: Might be Craig david...
Last annoyance: Being dumped again by a friend..
Last soda drank: Coke
Last ice cream eaten: mmmm vanilla martini from koko black.. soooooo nice..
Last time scolded: either by mum or boss at work.. both like to scold..
Last shirt worn: dont wear shirts.. but the top i wore last night really showed of the boobs hehe
Last website visited: Village cinemas
I AM:
I WANT: To finish my teaching degree.. earn real money.. have holidays.. a good man.. and a family.. i want a big family...
I HAVE: 6 wonderful animals that adore me.. everything else disappoints me..
I WISH: life was easier... or happier.. i wish i didnt suffer from depression..
I HATE: that i cant get a minute of my mums time...
I FEAR: being alone forever...
I HEAR:an old tarzan movie on tv
I SEARCH: i dont search much im lazy...
I WONDER: why im sooo alone...
I REGRET: meeting james back 3 years ago.. maybe i wouldnt have been so closed off to meeting someone between then and now.. and i wouldnt be alone..
I LOVE: My animals
I ACHE: For more ppl to hang out with.. for more ppl to make me feel liked and wanted and cared for...
I AM NOT: a positive person
I DANCE: to rnb music the most.. i love dancing..
I SING: in the car, really loudly late at night on the way home from the club...
I CRY: alot.. on the inside tho.. almost constantly
I AM NOT ALWAYS: happy.. more depressed most of the time actually
I WRITE: on here abit more these days
I LOSE: have lost my faith in ppl.. ppl suck
I CONFUSE: ppl as friends when they couldnt give a shit..
I NEED: a more active social life.. i need to feel loved..
I SHOULD: try to be more positive and get out of the house more.. i should be seeing my horse..
Im sooo not a happy person...
Ok so now lets do it for June 2007....
LASTS
Last big car ride: To my Grandmas again on saturday :O)
Last kiss: Nick a few months ago.. very very sad... before that was Bruce.. and that was a year ago...
Last library book checked out: Robert Jordan 'the great hunt'
Last movie seen: Georgia rule
Last beverage drank: Orange cordial
Last food consumed: Spag bog
Last phone call: Ratika last night... just for a catch up...
Last CD played: MIxed RnB cd
Last annoyance: Being sick
Last soda drank: IC cola
Last ice cream eaten: Vanilla ice cream at Grandmas
Last time scolded: Probably boss at work? maybe
Last shirt worn: Still dont wear shirts..
Last website visited: Blurty
I AM:
I WANT: earn real money.. have holidays.. a good man.. and a family.. i want a big family... and more friends
I HAVE: 6 wonderful animals that adore me.. and one great friend tika...
I WISH: my degree was finished now and i didnt have to go back to melb uni.. wish i was teaching now...
I HATE: That im alone
I FEAR: being alone forever...
I HEAR:big brother on the tv in the lounge
I SEARCH: i dont search much im lazy...
I WONDER: Who made me sick???
I REGRET: letting some ppl leave
I LOVE: My animals and basketball
I ACHE: For more ppl to hang out with.. for more ppl to make me feel liked and wanted and cared for... (still the same)and i ache for my mum... shes in WA now
I AM NOT: a positive person
I DANCE: to rnb music the most.. i love dancing..
I SING: around my house or in my car when im alone
I CRY: not so much these days
I AM NOT ALWAYS: happy.. little bit less depressed these days...
I WRITE: not enough on here anymore...
I LOSE: I have lost life... i dont live i just exist
I CONFUSE: ppl as friends when they couldnt give a shit.. (still kinda true and cant think of anything else)
I NEED: a more active social life.. i need to feel loved..
I SHOULD: try to be more positive and get out of the house more.. i should be seeing my horse..
Very very interesting.. all up i think lifes the same except that the drugs make it easier to manage :OP
Im sick... first cold in god knows how long... so im sitting here in the computer room trying to do anything but do the lesson plans i need doing for tomorrow... its 1120pm.. and ive had 4 days off.. in which i slept and watched tv and did nothing else... I barely even left the house... everyone says that when your sick you should rest... but im sure they didnt mean at home by yourself with no one to talk to for 4 days??? Ohh my god.. seriously not liking my life right now... 4 days is a long time to analyse things... I live in the past because i cant be bothered trying to find a future.. im kinda on hold while i do this degree.. telling myself that when its done and i start teaching ill magically meet another teacher and fall in love and all my dreams will come true... I still think about raro... wishing that i could go back.. not because i had real love there.. but because i had a life... i worked and then at night and on weekends i was out dancing.. and i had a man who wanted me... i know it was fake.. i know it was just a holiday.. but sometimes thinking back to then is all i have and its sad... then if that doesnt work i think back to dom.. or thon... i still talk to dom.. and i still get upset when he talks about talking to girls... its been 5 years since ive seen him... we have nothing left.. yet i hold onto possibly meeting him again in the future instead of finding someone to have here and now... I still talk to rob.. and he still promises me the world and never delivers... im surrounded by exs.. who are exs for a reason and apparently the dream of the past is enough for me... or atleast thats what i tell myself when im busy... but this weekend i wasnt busy... i was bored shittless.. and i was alone...
I have 2 weeks left on my rounds... they have been amazing.. seriously amazing... the kids are not to bad at all... a little naughty/cheeky and not interested in working... but worth the effort... the only bit that gets to me is that theyre not mine... im only there for 5 weeks... so in the end i cant see how they progress... i wish i was teaching already... cant believe its still 7 months... 7 months of melb uni... then again i cant believe that its only 7 months left... ive been there over 2 years.. and ive survived... being on these rounds ive realised that i have a decent group of ppl i work with... not so much ppl i hang out with outside of work... god knows only a few of them have even msged me while ive been gone... but atleast ppl to have lunch with and gossip etc... made me realise how much id have to do that again at my next job... I really do hope its at this school... my supervisor russell and i get on fantastically.. and he hasnt had anything bad to say bout me... hes going to takl to the principal about getting me a job there... the principal herself has introduced herself to me.. and knows id like to teach there.. and its well known that one of the teachers there is retiring next year... so who knows...
Okies.. so anyways.. in the spirit of wasting time... i found this thing in my old blurty journal and realised id filled it in for 2003 and Jan 2006... so i thought id fill it in for June 2007 and compare how im going...
December 13th 2003...
FIRSTS
First job: RJs sandwich shop at chadestone shopping centre... The manager, his parent and some of the ladys there were horrible.. I came home crying nearly every day... Most of them still work there too.. Funny how he always has employment signs up.. cos no one ever stays there... So yeah if you happen to know Chadstone and RJs sandwich shop in the big food court.. feel to go pass and spit on them for tormenting me haha....
First screen name:lol... ummm well it was anus_fable??? which when seen like that sounds very um dirty.. although ive never really come up with a meaning for an anus fable but yeah.. it was meant to be... anu's (my dog) and fable (after a cool song by robert miles... from the ever after sound track... plus I like the name)
First self purchased tape: 1927... self titled... I used to take my tape player into the bathroom... sit on the floor and listen to the tape up loud singing to the words in the little booklet.... that was until I played it one to many times and the tape player chewed it up.. I was devistated...
First funeral: My great grandma... My grandads mum... I bawled my eyes out sooo much... It was between 10-15 years ago atleast....
First piercing/tattoo: My only piercings are in my ears and my mum got them done when I was a tiny bub....
First credit card: Commonwealth mastercard... maxd out at $4000..... Im currently trying to transfer it over to an ANZ one.. cos its cooler.. haha.. well the card is but no.. the rate is soooo much better....
First true love: Thon.... I thought I had loved before but nothing compared... I was with him for 5 years and it took me 6 months to get over him and then even still Im not sure I will ever be completely... We are still friends..
First enemy:Mmm frankie Johnston.. In primary and high school.. I dont know why he ever disliked me.. He was an angry, smart guy.. who ive heard has done well for himself.. Still dont know why he disliked me so much... And a fucked up chick called Rossette.. who tormented me in high school.. High school sucked...
First big trip: To sydney and Canberra and stuff in a bus tour in year 7... I wish I could rememeber more of it... Cos i did cool stuff liek climb to the top of mount kosiosko...
First concert: Was those guys ummmm... i actually went to see them cos some RnB group from the US was supporting them... but the aussie group was 10 times better... umm who are they.. ummm... I just went and checked... Human Nature... They were really talentd actually.. they could sing and dance better than the US group....
First musician you remember hearing in your house: nup.. I dont really have any memmories of the music my parents listened too... although I do remember listening to the Dirty Dancing tape on the way to my grandmas.. when me, mum and steven used to go visit.. that was cool cos we must have been under 10 and we knew all the words :o)
LASTS
Last big car ride:mmm depends on definition of big.. I dont really go for drives.. its usually just to go vosot someone... so the longest lately was Luisa last weeken.... an hour and 10 mins to get the camberfield...
Last kiss: Mmmm that would be James... how sad... well no not sad... Cos james just made me realise I should be more picky with who I chose to kiss... much more picky... thus why I havent kissed anyone since... despite a few dates and oppertunities... where are all the quality guys???
Last library book checked out: Some gurly one from Dandenong library... I like gurly books...
Last movie seen: Elf last night.... Overall the movie was average but I still laughed my ass off through the whole thing....So much so I was crying cos of it...
Last beverage drank: I have drunk sooooo much raspberry lemonade lately... I sooo need to detox....Water is goood!!! haha
Last food consumed: I had chicken parm... today for lunch.. I havent had dinner sooo im very very hungry....
Last phone call: Dion miss called me... need to borrow his uniform for Nolan tomorrow.. Mmmm sexy Nolan... (Dougs friend from the Uk... sexc accent.. great guy.. here for 3 months.. and back next year for a year !!! yaaaay)
Last CD played: John Mayer... Heavier things... except my comps is retarded and so is my stereo.. so didnt really get to listen to it much... must invest in new stereo....
Last annoyance:Probably stoopid weekend drivers... on the way home from lunch... although work was annoying the last few days..thoufgh im sure its just cos im tired....
Last soda drank: Yummy raspberry... evil raspberry haha
Last ice cream eaten: Boysenberry choc top at southland village cinemas last night
Last time scolded: Mmm probably my mother...
Last shirt worn: mmm shirt? mmmm well im wearing a crappy one now.. but I wore a really nice pink/redish one a few times this week.. It looks great on my boobs haha...
Last website visited: pruesaysit.com
I AM:
I WANT: It all... I zoology job.. a great guy.. a family...
I HAVE: A roof over my head.. and 6 animals that adore the ground I walk on....
I WISH: My life would magically work its self out and that Id finally stick to a healthy weight loss system...
I HATE: That im my mums daughter and not her friend anymore..
I FEAR: That ill never make it into the zoology buisness....
I HEAR: the washing machine, the tv and messenger beeping at me...
I SEARCH: For a me im content with....
I WONDER: Whats so bad bout me sometimes...
I REGRET: Not having the guts to go ask out the english guy I served on friday.. He was beautiful.. there was chemsitry.. and I knew he worked at OPSM???
I LOVE: I dont know... I guess the obvious... my animals , my family and the boys.....
I ACHE: For a few things tonight... the house is quiet.. and im alone... I wanna lie in someones arms tonight... I wanna belong all of a sudden.. and I hate that feeling...
I ALWAYS: feel like im missing something in my life...
I AM NOT: Doing enough with my time.. and even though i know it.. i never do anything to change that....
I DANCE: to Rnb music...
I SING: I sang my ass off in the car on the way home... always parking just ahead of the car next to me so i can convince myself they cant see me.. or so that i cant see them seeing me.... cos then i probably stop...
I CRY: inside...
I AM NOT ALWAYS: happy as you can tell fromt he sharp turn in my journal entry... its cos the last song i listened to was trapped by evanessence.. Its ringing in my head.. and its sooo sad....
I WRITE: best when my heart is broken... Im boring when im not in lust with something....
I WIN: not much these days....
I LOSE: Motivation daily....
I CONFUSE: Conversations and looks from the oppisite sex as oppertunities....
I NEED: To be held tonight....
I SHOULD: really stop wasting time on here and find someone to come hold me...
Ok so now lets do it for jan 2006....
LASTS
Last big car ride: Not so much big... just the hour long drive to my grandmas for chrissy lunch... i dont really do long drives..
Last kiss: An boy at Odeon, probably november last year.. of so sad...
Last library book checked out: Dont do the library thing.. love buying them and currently reading a book my grandmother gave me.. Lady Whistle down....
Last movie seen: Cheaper by the dozen two... was very cute.. laughed alot... liked it better than the 1st..
Last beverage drank: Raspberry cordial..
Last food consumed: Waynes beef curry
Last phone call: Ratika this morning to tell me she cant hang out.. again im dumped..
Last CD played: Might be Craig david...
Last annoyance: Being dumped again by a friend..
Last soda drank: Coke
Last ice cream eaten: mmmm vanilla martini from koko black.. soooooo nice..
Last time scolded: either by mum or boss at work.. both like to scold..
Last shirt worn: dont wear shirts.. but the top i wore last night really showed of the boobs hehe
Last website visited: Village cinemas
I AM:
I WANT: To finish my teaching degree.. earn real money.. have holidays.. a good man.. and a family.. i want a big family...
I HAVE: 6 wonderful animals that adore me.. everything else disappoints me..
I WISH: life was easier... or happier.. i wish i didnt suffer from depression..
I HATE: that i cant get a minute of my mums time...
I FEAR: being alone forever...
I HEAR:an old tarzan movie on tv
I SEARCH: i dont search much im lazy...
I WONDER: why im sooo alone...
I REGRET: meeting james back 3 years ago.. maybe i wouldnt have been so closed off to meeting someone between then and now.. and i wouldnt be alone..
I LOVE: My animals
I ACHE: For more ppl to hang out with.. for more ppl to make me feel liked and wanted and cared for...
I AM NOT: a positive person
I DANCE: to rnb music the most.. i love dancing..
I SING: in the car, really loudly late at night on the way home from the club...
I CRY: alot.. on the inside tho.. almost constantly
I AM NOT ALWAYS: happy.. more depressed most of the time actually
I WRITE: on here abit more these days
I LOSE: have lost my faith in ppl.. ppl suck
I CONFUSE: ppl as friends when they couldnt give a shit..
I NEED: a more active social life.. i need to feel loved..
I SHOULD: try to be more positive and get out of the house more.. i should be seeing my horse..
Im sooo not a happy person...
Ok so now lets do it for June 2007....
LASTS
Last big car ride: To my Grandmas again on saturday :O)
Last kiss: Nick a few months ago.. very very sad... before that was Bruce.. and that was a year ago...
Last library book checked out: Robert Jordan 'the great hunt'
Last movie seen: Georgia rule
Last beverage drank: Orange cordial
Last food consumed: Spag bog
Last phone call: Ratika last night... just for a catch up...
Last CD played: MIxed RnB cd
Last annoyance: Being sick
Last soda drank: IC cola
Last ice cream eaten: Vanilla ice cream at Grandmas
Last time scolded: Probably boss at work? maybe
Last shirt worn: Still dont wear shirts..
Last website visited: Blurty
I AM:
I WANT: earn real money.. have holidays.. a good man.. and a family.. i want a big family... and more friends
I HAVE: 6 wonderful animals that adore me.. and one great friend tika...
I WISH: my degree was finished now and i didnt have to go back to melb uni.. wish i was teaching now...
I HATE: That im alone
I FEAR: being alone forever...
I HEAR:big brother on the tv in the lounge
I SEARCH: i dont search much im lazy...
I WONDER: Who made me sick???
I REGRET: letting some ppl leave
I LOVE: My animals and basketball
I ACHE: For more ppl to hang out with.. for more ppl to make me feel liked and wanted and cared for... (still the same)and i ache for my mum... shes in WA now
I AM NOT: a positive person
I DANCE: to rnb music the most.. i love dancing..
I SING: around my house or in my car when im alone
I CRY: not so much these days
I AM NOT ALWAYS: happy.. little bit less depressed these days...
I WRITE: not enough on here anymore...
I LOSE: I have lost life... i dont live i just exist
I CONFUSE: ppl as friends when they couldnt give a shit.. (still kinda true and cant think of anything else)
I NEED: a more active social life.. i need to feel loved..
I SHOULD: try to be more positive and get out of the house more.. i should be seeing my horse..
Very very interesting.. all up i think lifes the same except that the drugs make it easier to manage :OP
